This blog is the second in a probable five-part series on the “Dark Night of the Soul.” The first installment was posted on Monday, October 4, 2021. It covered the ways that Christ Jesus experienced and demonstrated his “dark nights” through the many steps of his life.
This second blog that is posted today, October 8, 2021, focuses on Nada-Yolanda’s demonstration of moving from darkness into the light of life, as well as my own crucifixion-resurrection as her disciple.
May this blog comfort, illumine and inspire you as you keep focusing on the light even as you find yourself in darkness. Together as one in the One, we lightworkers heal humanity. We are the light of the world!
Yolanda’s Dark Night
In late July 2001, Yolanda suffered a minor stroke that caused partial paralysis of the left side of her face and of her left arm and leg. She also exhibited aphasic, slurred speech. The facial paralysis resolved quickly, as did the speech, but some numbness and weakness of her arm, and especially her leg, persisted.
Deeply disturbed by this setback, this dark night, Yolanda wondered if she was about to make her transition (die), and hoped at times that she would. In time, however, she firmly resolved to complete her spiritual mission, regardless of any physical impairment. She proclaimed that if FDR in his wheelchair had been the powerful president of the US, then she in a wheelchair could be the light-and-love-filled president of the I Am Nation.
With assistance from those in etheric and celestial realms and her body deva, plus physical therapy at the Patricia Neal Rehabilitation Center in Knoxville, Tennessee, Yolanda regained full use of her left arm and hand and partial use of her left leg. Yet, henceforth, except for short daily walks with a walker, she was confined to a wheelchair and her bed, and required twenty-four-hour assistance from the staff.
Love In Action
At this time, Yolanda was in the overlapping period between the sixth and seventh phases of her seventh major initiation of ascension and redescent. Her stroke was a sixth-phase crucifixion, a veritable dark night of her soul. Note that her symptoms were on the left side of her body, which symbolically correlates with the soul or subconscious. Nada-Yolanda represented the soul of man, whereas El Morya-Mark portrayed the conscious aspect, with Sananda being the superconscious, I Am Self wayshower.
Throughout Yolanda’s spiritual development via the seven major steps or initiations in this lifetime (birth, baptism, transmutation, transfusion, transfiguration, crucifixion-resurrection, ascension & redescent), Yolanda had had difficulty in standing in and rightly wielding spiritual power that expresses via the voice, muscles and limbs. Her left-sided stroke was the final step in her rising out of the darkness of her subconscious power difficulties into the power-packed light of her I Am Self. Here was her final demonstration this lifetime of talking the talk, and walking the walk of a Christed soul on Earth.
In the following four years of her life, during the seventh phase of her seventh major initiation, from July-August 2001 until she made her transition and ascended on November 8, 2005, Yolanda received hundreds of channeled communications from the angels, etheric masters, and space brothers and sisters that Mark-Age published posthumously in 2007 in a 382-page book, Contacts from the Fourth Dimension.
Moreover, as executive director of Mark-Age, she actively ran the organization. She recorded audio cassette broadcasts for I Am Network of Light and contributed to our bi-monthly I Am Nation News. In September 2002, she began a weekly question-and-answer Internet blog, Ask Nada. She edited another major textbook, Cosmic Laws, published in 2004.
Rising above her soul difficulties and her physical impairment, she was love in action!
Be a Christ Caregiver
During these four years, Phillel and I (we both had joined the Mark-Age staff just weeks apart in October 1974) were Yolanda’s primary caregivers, as due to her physical disability she required 24-hours-a-day attention and support. During these years, one other Mark-Age staff member usually helped, but each of them left the staff in a year or two.
To one degree or another, every light worker is a caregiver, whether of a spiritual teacher, a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend or a fellow spiritual initiate on the path to I Am consciousness. We care for the Christ in each soul and we give him or her selfless love. We care for, and give abiding love to, everyone worldwide; and to our beloved planetary logos itself. We are love in action.
This entire period with Yolanda was a wonderful and uplifting opportunity to be our service to our beloved teacher and wayshower, to lay down our lives for her as our friend. Yet, it had its dark side as well. Especially as the months rolled along, I developed what has been called “caregiver’s syndrome.” Due to the ongoing stress and strain, with long hours of service and no time off, at times I was depressed, anxious, emotionally upset, all of which manifested in my body as high blood pressure, headaches, exhaustion, insomnia, and various aches and pains.
Light up the Darkness
It was in this sense a dark night of my soul. More than once, I wanted nothing more than to get out of this seemingly never-ending, sometimes thankless, always challenging task. I had the night shift, something that I found particularly stressful, which totally disrupted my normal biorhythms — I literally lived in dark nights.
I remember vividly the times when at 11 PM I came on shift with Yolanda. In my walk from Hilarion House where I lived, to Trinity House where Yolanda was, especially on clear nights, I longingly look up into the brilliantly lit sky with its myriad sparkling stars and wished that I could “go home” to the higher dimensions.
Moreover, many times, I pondered the possibility of suggesting to Yolanda that she be placed in a nursing home, but after fantasizing about such a possible transfer, it never felt right and I never spoke of it to her. Plus, I knew she would never agree to it.
Even worse, at times I found myself musing about leaving the Mark-Age unit. Oh my God!
However, I doggedly persisted. El Morya especially helped me from his perch in the higher astral and lower etheric planes, as did Sol-O-Man, Hilarion and Lord Uriel. I was never without their inner support and that of other higher plane guides and masters and angels, plus space visitors, whether I was fully aware of them or not. And mostly, I was not, or I was so tired that I could not trust what I was receiving inwardly about their possible etheric and celestial presence.
One of my favorite affirmations when Yolanda was going through some new challenge or upset was “Nada knows!” In her Nada consciousness, she knew the best way to navigate through her own dark night. Time and again, I affirmed, “It will all work itself out.” And so, as time would tell, it did. In wondrous ways!
Phillel also was a rock, even as he dealt with his own dark-night challenges and symptoms. Our friendship and admiration for one another grew that much deeper. He and I had been through thick and thin, the best and worst of times in the prior twenty-seven years. As a result, we truly were friends in the best sense of the word, ones who loved, trusted and helped one another during our common distress, disturbance and darkness.
Past Life Debits & Credits
Moreover, during these dark days and nights, I remembered all too well Nada-Yolanda’s soul intunement for me in 1975: During Atlantis, I had been a “captain” many times in the chain of command or right order and organization of the Hierarchal program to lift man of Earth back into the fourth dimension. But my soul tendency was to go off on my own, zealously pursuing my own personal desires and alleged receivings, and thereby was not available when the “generals” of the program called upon me to play my rightful Hierarchal role.
Then in the late 1980s or early 1990s, I had my own dream recall of this past soul imbalance. In my night vision, a wise etheric being told me that I had left Yolanda in Atlantis. One week after this dream, I started having heart palpitations or skipped beats, what usually are PVCs (premature ventricular contractions); but a visit to a cardiologist showed that mine were PACs (premature atrial contractions that started in the two atria or upper chambers of my heart, not the two ventricles or lower chambers). Herein was the start of another dark night in my soul, a time when my heart was dark and filled with fear of repeating the past.
Then, in the four years from 2001-2005, I once again began having frequent PACs, after not having had many for the prior five-to-ten years. Would I continue to love Nada-Yolanda, to lay down my life for her, or would I once again self-destruct, shut down my heart and bolt from the scene? Would I stay with it, or would I prematurely give up and leave, as I had in the past. My heart palpitations reflected and expressed this.
Buttressing and countermanding my darkness was all the many times in this life that I had come through similar, though less challenging, dark times; and had emerged renewed, reborn and resurrected. Moreover, I remembered my original soul intunement from Nada-Yolanda in 1972, in which she shared that I had incarnated in the highest etheric realms of planets throughout the solar system. I had learned in these solar sojourns new and higher healing talents that I was to implement here on Earth. And now was a good time to do so.
Moreover, in numerous past lives, I rightly had served Sananda and Sol-O-Man and other incarnated masters. I thus had within me all the tools and “credits” that I needed to heal my soul and that of mankind. These talents were to be pressed out, especially during dark times. For this had I come.
Stay the Course
Given this soul background and physical evidence, during the last four years of Yolanda’s life, despite my intermittent bouts of depression and darkness that threatened to swamp me in negativity, I was bound and determined to stay with Yolanda to the end and to rightly do my job as Director of Healing Haven; to move time and again into the harmonizing light of I Am life and love.
However, it got so stressful in the later part of these four years that I thought that if she did not die soon, then I would die — my body literally felt like it was falling apart. But, time and again, I decided to faithfully press forward, to serve willingly and lovingly, even if it meant the death of my physical form. Thy will be done.
Any such physical death certainly would be better than the “death of my soul” if I left her yet again! I knew without a doubt that if I “jumped ship” I would feel so ashamed and guilty that I would go and “hang myself,” would throw myself down from the temple, as Judas Iscariot did. In a short time, in some way or manner, I would die by my own hand or by some self-induced disease like cancer, which would eat away at my body.
And what a task I would face afterwards in the astral planes trying to explain my insanity and weakness to my spiritual teachers, despite all the help they had given me over the years. I shuddered to think of this.
Be Free At Last
So, even though “sweating blood” at times, I stayed, helped and persisted right to Yolanda’s very last breath. It was the best thing that I have done this lifetime.
My soul karma from Atlantis in relation to her and the Hierarchy was pretty much wiped out. Free at last, Lord, thank God I am free at last from the dark albatross I had placed around my neck! And thank you, all agents of Spirit in the higher planes and on this plane who helped me.
Healed within at the soul level, I was healed without in my physical form. From crucifixion I had moved into resurrection. Looking back several years later, I realized that at this time I was completing my sixth major initiation of crucifixion-resurrection.
Second Coming Is Assured
On November 23, 2003, by which time Yolanda had moved about halfway through the seventh phase of her seventh major initiation of ascension and redescent, Nada made this stunning announcement through her: “We did it. I broke through the transmutation. I am the first. The rest will follow. Jesus said, ‘We did it. Thank you for your services to the Second Coming. Do not advertise.’
“We did it. All program workers, alert. We passed the point of no return. The Second Coming of Jesus the Christ is assured. The blockages, the negativity, the resistance are over. The entire Hierarchy is jubilant. Your purpose for incarnation has broken the logjam.”
Thus, Nada-Yolanda had pierced through and rent the final veil that separates man of Earth from the etheric or heavenly realms. She had opened a portal or passageway from the earth through the astral to the etheric planes. With this breakthrough, we of Earth could follow in her footsteps in rising into our own ascended, etheric consciousness. Then, Christ Jesus could redescend in his light body to Earth, using our light bodies as grounding points.
Please note that Nada via Yolanda said that “we did it”, not that “I did it.” By we, she was referring to all of her etheric and celestial partners, teachers and wayshowers. Moreover, she also was including Phillel and me: Together on Earth, we three did it.
The three of us were like an equilateral, upward-pointing triangle. Nada-Yolanda was at the top apex of the triangle. Phillel and I were at the two apices at the base of the triangle — he and I were the ground crew for Nada, who like an astronaut, had been blasted out into space, had ascended in her light body into another dimension. Phillel and I held the fort for this, and helped to make it possible, as of course did the prayers and projections of all light workers who comprise the 144,000 elect.
So, I asked myself, were all my trials, tribulations and troubles prior to this worth it? Needless to say, my answer was: Yes, many times over, way beyond my imagination! Looking back now in 2021, what I remember best of that whole period of time is this incredible experience and breakthrough and fulfilment, not the dark nights that preceded it. The dark nights were as nothing as compared to the coming into the light of life .
Where Two or More Are Gathered
Due to our devoted service to Nada-Yolanda and the Hierarchy, when Yolanda made her transition (died) and ascended into the etheric realms, Phillel and I became Co-Executive Directors of Mark-Age, Inc.; as per Nada-Yolanda’s previously expressed authorization, and Sananda’s confirmation.
Under the guidance of the trinity of El Morya, Nada and Sananda, Phillel and I have continued to promote the Second Coming Program: the Second Coming of Christ Jesus in his light body, and the coming again of each soul on Earth into Christ awareness.
Thus, Phillel and I are two who have gathered together, whereby Sananda-Christ Jesus is there in the midst of us. We are the sun temple, the temple devoted to Sananda who likewise is called Sun-Anda and Son-Anda. And each of you who read this blog and work in your own way to be a sun-son temple are here with us as we are with you.
Together we keep at it, keep with it, keep on moving onward and upward. In time, we will see the coming of the New Jerusalem as was shown symbolically by John the Beloved (Divine) when he was taken up on the Isle of Patmos. In this vision, the new city was filled with light and had no nights. So shall mortal darkness be dispersed be when Sananda returns and we move into the New or Golden Age of Aquarius.
A Rose is a Rose is Love
Although Nada-Yolanda had ascended, in the following years I still had times of darkness in relation to my memories of her. Mostly, our ongoing partnership from about 1970 to 2005 was a bed of roses, but still at various times it seemed to be filled with thorns. That is only normal and natural given the history of the planet and my soul history, not to mention all the soul healing that she went through.
Five years after Yolanda’s passing, in the midst of one of those dark, thorny times, when I had called upon Nada, Sananda and Sol-O-Man for help, on December 9, 2010, I awoke from a dream in which I was singing a ballad/song by The Judds, a mother and daughter team, Naomi and Wynonna, who had been very popular in country music in the in the 1980s. It was a song I had heard on occasion during my waking hours, had liked it, but I had not paid all that much attention to it in years.
The song was “We Can Build a Bridge”, and I was singing its chorus whose lyrics are: “We can build a bridge between your heart and mine. We can build a bridge. Don’t you think its time? Don’t you think it’s time.” And I was deeply moved emotionally by singing this now, without realizing consciously why this was so.
Sing a New Song
The answer arrived in my morning meditation, when I came into communion with Nada who was more present with me than at any other prior interdimensional contact I had had with her before this. Nada now was singing this song to me and with me — we were the duet, the dual singing team. No wonder I was so affected by this song.
This was especially so because Nada had slightly altered the lyrics. Instead of “we can build a bridge”, she sang “we have built a bridge, between your heart and mine.” Copious tears flowed down my face.
She was emphasizing all of the bridging and integrating in love that we had done in the prior forty years, thirty five on Earth and now five years with her in the etheric realm. From day one, after I had joined the staff especially, I had given almost daily attention to her mental, emotional, soul-astral and physical needs, as I researched and documented the anchoring and birthing of her light body; and she had helped me through many periods of darkness in my own four lower bodies.
Now, whatever karma difficulties we had had, whatever karma I had had with her, had been bridged with love. I was to focus on this love, and let the rest drop away. I was to focus on the rose that we two are, not the thorns that have been there at each step of the way. Moreover, our current love was bridging the dimensions, from the earth plane to the astral plane to the etheric planes. Indeed, she and I have built a bridge!
Below is a link to the original song as sung so beautifully by the Judds. Enjoy! And think of Nada. She is building, and has built, a loving bridge between her and you, between her glorious, rosy heart and your love-filled heart. In this love, be a Christ caregiver.
So be it! So it is! Amen!