My first sweetheart was my Mom, who had (and still has) the sweetest of hearts — Aleta Sanford Knapp. I loved her! (And still do.) She is number 1 in my series of 12 sweethearts this lifetime, and will always be my number 1.
Needles to say, I had not the slightest clue in my childhood that she is my twin soul. But, now in wondrous hindsight, I realize that Mom was as Mary was to Jesus, a beloved and loving Mother-mother to me as her cherished Son-son. My Mom loved being a mother, especially in the younger years of my life. And I loved being her son.
Mom was the prototypical Mom of our days back then, a stay-at-home Mom who ran the household, looked after my older brother and me (Dick was four years older), and did everything she could to make sure I was safe, loved, protected, nurtured and destined for a better life than she had had. (Being a mother was a fulltime job!)
Mom laid down her life for me, as all good mothers do. I was always in her heart, as she was in mine. In the picture to left, Mom has her loving, motherly arms around both of us kids. I was 4 years old at the time– that’s me on the right. Partly, my eyes were scrunched up and my face in a bit of a grimace because we were out in the sun and I, with blue eyes, light blond hair and fair skin could barely stand its glare. But, still, scrunched face or not, wasn’t I a cute kid!?
(By the way, my Dad and Mom were named Hugh and Aleta, not exactly common names. So when it came for Mom to name my brother and me, we were called Richard-Dick and Robert-Bob, about as common as you can get. But, my middle name was Hugh, after my Dad.)
Of course, Mom had her own problems and shortcomings. She was introverted and shy, lacked self-confidence, having grown up on a small farm in the country, not in the town of Dansville, which is in upstate New York, 50 miles south of Rochester, population of about 5,000 (hardly a metropolis). Contrasting with this, however, she was smart — she was the valedictorian of her high school class. Dad was smart, too. Dick and I had good smart genes.
And as Mom would put it later when we talked together as adults, she was a bit of a “nervous nelly.” But frankly, I never saw any of that or comprehended that she could be like that. She was just my loving Mom. Good to the core. All of which of course as a kid I simply took for granted.
Dad was another story. As my Mom later would explain to me, without any rancor or annoyance, Dad was not good with children. (His Dad had not been loving or supportive, but tended to treat Dad somewhat like a hired hand who worked from sun-up to sundown on the farm where they lived.)
However, now, as a parent, Dad still worked hard, having three jobs (his major job was as the head janitor of Dansville’s grade school), and did everything physically possible to provide for his family. That is one of the good things that I learned from him: To be a good, steady, proficient worker and provider for others as well as myself. In that sense, he was love in action. And in later life, we developed a good rapport, father and son, two children of one Father-Mother God.
Bless you, Dad. (He is a Fourth Ray worker, whereas Mom is a Seventh Ray worker, like me.)
Transmuting Karmic Ties
I would learn much later, in the late 1970s after my spiritual awakening, that Dad, Mom, Dick and I were working out our karma from our past relationships as a family. Via dream, I recalled that in Atlantis, Dad used what today we call a radionics machine, which combines one’s psychic talents with one’s conscious analytical abilities to both diagnose and treat disease. His error then was that he thought that he was 100 per cent accurate, when in fact no one is in the psychic arena. Thus, he was arrogant, one who thought he knew it all. As a result, as a prominent physician and healer, he caused much harm to his patients.
Mom had gotten caught up in this, probably as his wife. Like Dad, she too had lorded it over his patients, and compounded the problems he created. Now, they were back together, working out the kinks in their relationship, in a marriage that was far from ideal, one that was full of conflict and confusion. They were learning, as we all are, how to rightly love one another.
Be Ever So Humble
In Atlantis, I was their son who trained under my Dad, or at least was deeply influenced by him. I suspect my now brother was in the mix, but I have no specific recall of this.
Think of it: Now, in this lifetime, my Dad and Mom, who were powerful figures in the healing community in Atlantis, both grew up on a small farm in the outskirts of a small upstate New York town. They had no power, no prestige, no awareness whatsoever of psychic things (although my Mom had several unique, clairvoyant dreams throughout her life).
And I was in the mix, likewise a small-town boy, hardly aware of or comfortable with my eventually becoming a holistic healer who was supposed to lead other healers into the higher, spiritual, multi-dimensional and multi-leveled approach to healing humanity. Out of my humble origins, I was to rise like the phoenix, while maintaining my balance and humility. What a battle it has been between the light and darkness within me!
Earth Temple Reborn
Moreover, in upstate New York, our family was in the past radiating forcefield of the Atlantean Earth Temple under Sol-O-Man/Zolanda/Mary, with that temple having been located in central Long Island, NY. I had been Zolanda’s disciple back then. What goes around, comes around, whether we are conscious of it or not, always with a chance to redeem ourselves and to make all things new by being love in action.
Our lives in these Latter Days are primarily for the cleansing and transmutation of the past, to prepare the way for the glorious new future in the New or Golden Age of Aquarius, after Sananda/Jesus and Sol-O-Man/Zolanda/Mary redescend to Earth in their light bodies, to reclaim their kingdom here and lead the way in loving God and loving one another.
As my example shows, you too are probably working with your own soul family ties that have carried over into this lifetime for review, reevaluation and reprogramming. Like me, you probably had little awareness if any of this in your childhood and younger years before your spiritual awakening. Even with that spiritualization of your life, you may not have had any recall of your past lives — it may not be necessary. After all, you have your current family history and challenges right in front of you. Moreover, just because someone does have such recall does not necessarily mean that he or she is more spiritually advanced than someone who does not remember such things. Psychics can be just as self-centered and self-powered as those who stick to basic metaphysics, as well as to those who have no spiritual awareness at all. Know them by their fruits, not by the means and manners in which they produce such fruits.
In terms of my recall, I have had just glimpses, broad themes, without a lot of details, just enough to give me the awareness of the key challenges from my past that have played out, and are playing out, in my present incarnation. Yolanda, by contrast, had vivid recall of all her past lives in great detail, as she shares in her remarkable Autobiography of a Prophet, which is an absolutely extraordinary record of her life/lives.
So, here is the core lesson for all of us to remember: However much we may or may not recall of our past lives, our goal and right focus is to realize that we no doubt have been, and still are, with our soul family, and that more than likely we in spiritual consciousness are leading the way in healing them as well as ourselves. For this have welcome in these Latter Days.
A Rose is a Rose Is Love
My baby sister, Rosalie, was my 2nd sweetheart. How sweet it was being with her for the short time her rosy fragrance wafted over us while she was with us on Earth. She was born on July 15, 1952, to the total delight of my Mom, who although she deeply loved her boys, still wanted a daughter. And Mom picked out her most telling name, Rosalie — a sweet, loving name, a rose of personal love.
And then, tragically, six and one-half months later, on January 30, 1953, when I was six-years-and-nine-months old, Rosalie suddenly died, due to what her doctor labeled gastroenteritis, an inflammation of the digestive system and colon, which however was not supposed to kill a child. She was sick for only four days, and nothing her doctor did in the hospital helped her.
Mom was devastated, as you can well imagine. Later, I would read about and learn that there is nothing more heart-rending for a mother than losing a young child. Fathers are likewise deeply affected, as are siblings, but mothers bear the brunt of the grief.
Moreover, Mom blamed herself for Rosalie’s death, as mothers commonly do when they lose a child, since there seemed to be no outward cause or reason for her sudden departure from this world. Moreover, at some level, she felt like God must be punishing her for her sins. Why would He-She grant Mom’s wish, only to take it away? Why indeed? It would be a question I would ask until I learned about karma and reincarnation some 15 years later.
Mom became so depressed that she had to be taken to a state mental hospital where the “idiot” doctors administered EST (electroshock treatment, also called electroconvulsive treatment or ECT that was the standard treatment for severe depression at that time — there were no anti-depressants medications then) to “scramble and fry” her brain. What a barbaric treatment it was and still is, with an estimated 100,000 ECT treatments still being administered each year here in the USA. Imagine the thinking: Doctors are going to help someone by causing an epileptic seizure (which EST does) that is totally abnormal; and then supposedly finding evidence to say that it cures depression.
(It’s like when fathers say they are going to knock some sense into their unruly child, and they “beat the hell” out of them — it’s physical, emotional abuse, not healing, guiding, right, touch-love disciplining. Such mistreatment perpetuates more violence in the world, leading to more wars.)
It took me twenty years before I would recall what I felt when Mom was hospitalized. In the dream, I was all by myself, standing apart from our house, watching from a distance as my Mom was being taken on a stretcher to an ambulance that would deliver her to the state mental hospital. Above and behind me, an authoritative, all-knowing, masculine voice (that of Hilarion, Sananda or others?) said, “Bob, you decided that you would never love anyone again, for it hurt too much to lose your loved one.” When I awoke from the dream, my heart hurt like hell! And I knew then it would take me a long time to release the pain and to re-feel and re-open my heart. And so it has.
Thankfully, after about 4-6 weeks and thirty shock treatments, Mom returned home. However, she was never the same person as she had been. It was like she had half a brain, enough to function but not enough to be whole and healthy; mentally, emotionally or physically. Moreover, the ECT not only had scrambled the neurons in her physical brain, but the shock of it had continued (as I would later learn from Nada-Yolanda’s channelings) into the astral, emotional and mental bodies.
Thereby, Mom could not heal her past emotional trauma because she could not rightly remember it — it was too overwhelming emotionally to even consider. Moreover, the EST effectively cut off her communion with her I Am Self and light body, the still small voice within her, so no spiritual healing was possible, no spiritual counseling by our minister or others would help, and without a spiritual basis and input, no healing of deep soul/emotional scars could occur.
But at least I had my Mom back and life more or less got back to normal. Furthermore, Mom even got a fulltime secretarial job. Half a brain or not, she now worked a 40-hour week and another 40 hours taking care of our house, my Dad and we kids. She was one tough, determined, dedicated lady! And she never was hospitalized again for depression. Needless to say, I learned dogged persistence from her. No whining. Suck it up, get on with it, make the best of it. Help others, starting with you family, and thereby help yourself.
Kids are incredibly resilient. Given half a chance, and loving attention, despite their emotional scar tissue (and mine was much less than that of so many other kids), children will bounce back, move forward and get on with life, which I did. Of course, looking back now, I wished some adult had explained to me why Mom was depressed, why she was taken to the hospital and now was not fully well. But, nothing was said to me. Or at least, nothing that made any sense. And at 7 years old, I had no chance whatsoever of figuring it out myself.
When Mom was in the hospital, my brother and I did stay in mostly a loving home, that of my uncle Harold and aunt Mary (note the name Mary, that of my master teacher, who no doubt was looking over me); but frankly they themselves did not understand why things had happened as they did, so how could they explain it to me. And, furthermore, in those days, you simply did not talk about mental illness, including depression, and if you did, it was only in hushed tones with people in the family. Having had EST was a stigma that Mom would bear for the rest of her life — it never once, at least according to my memories, was ever discussed in our house. A recipe for disaster.
Well, enough of my sob story! Let me share with you now the new beginnings and healings of my family, which has and will continue to lead to a new family of light, one of love, cooperation and coordination in this incarnation and especially in future lifetimes to come.
In 1976, I began following and practicing Hilarion’s guidance about how to work with healing others, in the four steps that I have shared numerous times with you in my past blogs: 1) link with your I Am Self and that of your higher plane teachers and healers; 2) focus on and feel the stimulation of your third-eye visualization center; 3) note the higher, light-body vibrations that empower and light up your hands; and 4) see and feel the light/power/electrical energy flowing all the way down to your feet and into the ground below them.
Being foursquare in your own light body matrix, see the person who needs healing right in front of you, a few feet away. Open your heart, radiate healing power, receive new images to transmit to this beloved soul, all under the guidance of your I Am Self and etheric and celestial mentors. Give thanks ahead of time for the healing of mind, body and soul of the person standing or sitting in front of you, with whom you are one.
When I first did this with my family, I could scarcely believe how much love I felt for my Mom. My oh my, it was something else, more loving than anything I had experienced for any other person!
Unbeknownst consciously to me, I had until this time partly shut down and walled off my heart to her, given the past psychic/emotional trauma of having lost her when I was a child. Now the love blockages and blind spots in my love nature began to open up and I Am love flooded through my being to her. Whew! It was something else, something I suspect I had not felt since I had been a child, even though I thought I already had evolved into being a loving being. I knew then that love would heal our past scars, that love would transmute all the pain and suffering of this and past lives, that we would be born again, born again! Thank You, God, and all agents of God.
Mom’s spiritual rebirth took place with her transition (death) on May 10, 1990, after suffering ten years from Parkinson’s Disease, which basically left her in a vegetative state, totally dependent on Dad and others who took care of her. Dad, meanwhile, blamed her for making his life a living hell, when in fact this whole series of years and events were his golden opportunity to heal his karma with her and others from the days of Atlantis.
I attended Mom for 3-4 days when she was at St. Mary’s hospice awaiting her transition (death). It was one of the most moving, uplifting times of my whole life, something that I will always cherish. As I later would write and share via our Mark-Age MAM tapes, it was the completion, the beginning fulfillment of my Journey of the Heart with her.
Two days after her transition, she appeared to me in a dream, fully awake and in command. The very first thing she asked me to share with her was to reveal anything about her relationship with me for which she needed to be forgiven (how utterly typical of my Mom). I immediately told her that there was absolutely nothing, not a single thing, that needed to be forgiven, and I meant it from the bottom of my heart. She nodded and thanked me, then said she could not stay longer with me but rather she had to keep an appointment with a nearby man standing to her left who was wearing an aviator’s jacket from WWII times, who was going to instruct her about how to “fly” in her astral body in the astral planes.
It Takes all Kinds to Make a World
Days later, reflecting about her and my love for her, the most incredible realization came to me: I did not remember a single instance in her life when she had badmouthed and put down anyone. Not once! That was my Mom, she whom I loved. Indeed, she had an incredibly sweet heart!
Yes, at times she had rebuked my Dad, in rather strong, blunt ways, the only ways that he would have heard her. This was part of her correction of her past, Atlantean errors, in which she had blinded herself to the error of his ways, rather than speak up and make it known that he was off-base in his healing efforts.
Mom was no longer a doormat, just an adoring wife, willing to put up with the dark side of her spouse, even to take on and compound his negativity. Her Parkinson’s disease also had been a karmic repayment for her passivity, not to mention her underlying arrogance, that had led her to hurt others. It wasn’t all Dad’s fault. She had made her own unhealthy decisions. No one is a victim. We all are responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and actions.
Looking Back and Forward
Two years later, I dreamt that Mom came to me and told me that she had recalled that in the days of the Cains and Abels, in what today is known as the state of Wyoming in the USA, she had left Nada-Yolanda. Thus, she and I were kindred souls, for I had left Yolanda in Atlantis, and my errors likewise went back 26 million years. What a mind blogging, heart-rending revelation this was. And no wonder that Mom had lost her daughter, just like when she had been as a “daughter” to Yolanda and had left her. What a trip!
Then, over the next decade or so, Mom re-evolved into the higher astral planes. She currently is stationed in the sixth astral planes as a nurse/soul healer in the healing hospitals there, wherein astral light workers cross out the remaining errors of their soul past and resurrect their I Am light bodies. Aleta’s work thus mirrors my own function here on Earth. Together, we heal humanity in the astral and physical realms. I have my former Mom back, renewed and remade, in full interplane communion and oneness, heart to heart, soul to soul. God is definitely good!
Finally, looking forward, sometime in the early 1990s, after Aleta had made her transition, I dreamt that a male ascended master, not specifically identified in the dream (perhaps Hilarion or others of the Hierarchy) told me that in my next lifetime, Aleta and I would be married! Now won’t that be something, if indeed it is to manifest physically and not just symbolically.
Although I have no dream or other confirmation of the following, I long since have mused and felt that the two men of this lifetime, Dad and Dick, might well be our children in our family to come. If so, Aleta and I will lead the way in the next step or rebirth of our loving family. As Spirit wills it, so may it be.
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Note: Please stay tuned as in the next blog I will be covering the remaining 10 sweeties in my life. I had hoped to do so in this blog but it simply has gotten too long. It was too important, I felt, to focus first and foremost on my personal family, as it is the foundation for everything to come.
Let me see how it goes as to the timing, which seems to always change from my original plans. But my immediate goal is to publish this second proposed blog later this week.
We propose and God disposes. And He-She sure has a good sense of humor, don’t you think? So, let’s laugh a little more and cry a little less! All is in divine order. It will all work itself out. Amen.