Be Rosy Red


It would seem to be so easy to do this. So why do we periodically have so much difficulty being kind, compassionate, willing to lay down our life with a friend, to love our spouse, our partner, our friend, to selflessly serve such friends, to love the Earth and all life upon it?

As Judas, we praise and laud God by loving Him-Her and by loving one another. This rosy redness, this true or blood red color/energy is what regenerates us and leads to the rebirth of our I Am light body.

Vibrant red light imbues and renews each of our other 12 I Am powers and their corresponding physical organs and systems. We flower anew as the Christ being that we are. We are the 12-fold rosy red light of the world.

As Iscariot, however, part of us, the mortal, egotistical, selfish part, is “hostile” to selflessness, to helping and uplifting others, to making all things new by loving one another, especially those closest and dearest to us. The Iscariot aspect in us worships money, power, fame, self-glory, inappropriate sex, separation, all such mortal traps and blind alleys.

Spiritual Energy Exchange

And perhaps no place are we more challenged or blind than in rightly using our male or female regenerative or reproductive organs in personal sexual exchange, as versus in SEX: Spiritual Energy eXchange, I Am Self to I Am Self, loving heart to love-filled heart, with or without any physical action.

As Nada-Yolanda writes in Birth of the Light Body, our Judas Iscariot or regenerative I Am power confesses, reveals and betrays our rock-bottom control of our pro-creative energies in mind, body and soul. We may think one thing, feel another, but it is our actions that reveal what is most deeply embedded and hidden in our soul. We are to know ourselves and others by our and their fruits.

As Jesus the Christ explained, a good tree of life produces good fruits, but an uncleansed soul tree of life produces little or misshapen or rotten fruit. Our fruits/actions reveal the I Am regeneration within us but also betray us as the mortals we still are in our ongoing war or battle of mortal versus immortal within us. But, once we see and feel our soul darkness, we can transmute, heal and regenerate it.

We are a red, blooming rose. Born again, we are born again as the Christ rose that we are!

12 Pros and Cons

So, how do we see the truth of our soul, of our self, of our mental, emotional, soul-astral and physical bodies? Well, last week we started our self-examination by listing our 12 positive, regenerative attributes, the 12 Pros we might call them. We also listed our 12 negative, degenerative aspects/qualities, our 12 Cons. We put the two 12s side- by-side. It’s a simple but effective exercise, to get things going, to get things out in the open.

So how did you do with this? After one week, how are you now doing with your 12s, Pro and Con, your evolution into I Am conscious and your devolution or downward dip at times into the mortal morass of the third dimension?

One Example

Below is an email report to, and sharing with, me, from one lightworker’s listing of the two sides of regeneration. To see his listings, click on: 12by12

When I read this rendering of the dual 12s, my immediate thought was: How honest, to the point, direct, common to every one of us. And seeing the two columns together was like seeing day and night. Well done! And note that this individual was committed to doing something to further regenerate the underlying soul darkness.

And so I emailed back and asked if I could anonymously post this on my next blog, as a good example or illustration of how to work with the duo 12s. “Yes, of course” was the answer. And then the person also shared that a major part of the review process was of past male/female, romantic, sexual relationships. And bingo, there was confirmation for my theme for this week, which I just had received in my early morning meditation!


Moreover, even before the above listing came, out of the clear blue that afternoon came another possible meaning or interpretation for the surname Iscariot. Charles Fillmore in his MBD wrote that Iscariot means “man of Kerioth, which was a city of Moab against which Jeremiah prophesied (Jer. 48:24,41). Moab is the carnal mind. . . .  The  life faculty [regeneration] at this phase of overcoming is not fully redeemed from carnal thought and desires.” Hence, Iscariot metaphysically means man of the cities; man of hostile encounters.

(Here’s a dictionary definition of carnal: pertaining to or characterized by the flesh or the body, its passions and appetites; sensual: carnal pleasures, not spiritual; merely human; temporal; worldly: a man of secular, rather carnal, leanings.)

Afraid of the Dark

My new variation or interpretation is that Iscariot signifies a light worker who “is scared“, hence full of fear, a fear of the darkness within him or her. And what are we as Iscariot afraid of?

Well, we live in fear that because of our “carnal”, earthly, mortal desires we will once again fail our spiritual mission, just as we light workers have done for the last 26 million years. In an intunement by Nada-Yolanda, as concerns a specific light worker’s fear of failing, Sananda said to him, “If you were not afraid, then I would be afraid for you.” Hence, a little fear might well be a good thing in this instance, rather than having a blithe ignorance and denial of past soul patterns and of residual present lusting after fleshly or mortal things.

Not only are we afraid of failing, but at times we are afraid of succeeding, of coming forth in our light body, which sometimes feels alien to us, overpowering and mysterious in its Presence. Who wants any new responsibility and power, which may mean that our next failure will be even worse, from the heights to the depths of our dark soul?

(It also strikes me that maybe one of the reasons why Jesus “sweated as blood” in the Garden of Gethsemane was because he was “afraid” that he might not be able to resurrect, that he would “flinch” in his awesome responsibility as being the first to resurrect in the known history of mankind. But of course, he faced his fear, dismissed it (get thee behind me Satan), and turned it over to God –Thy will be done. He moved forward. We are to follow in his footsteps!)

Have an Open Heart

Maybe we have been so hurt in our past romantic, personal-love, sexual relationships that we shut down our heart, that we decide not to love anyone again because it hurts too much to be left and hurt by others. Or we shut down because we have hurt others, and feel ashamed and guilty about this, and decide that we are not going to go through that again. Better to be an “arrogant, self-centered loner” than to be a loving friend — such weird ideas we sometimes have. We have to laugh: We humans in mortal consciousness are such funny creatures!

Shutting down our heart is like committing slow suicide: It’s a temporary, selfish, mortal attempt to deal with our pain, which however just gets buried deeper in our heart and eventually causes us heart disease, and we die a slow, painful death (heart disease is the leading cause of death in the USA).

Or it leads to actual physical suicide. We want to kill the pain, but we mistake ourselves as a physical, carnal body and thereby we kill our physical/animal/third-dimensional form, thinking falsely that this will end our pain. But, in reality, it only increases it, which we then experience in the astral planes and when we shortly reincarnate to “pay the piper.”

And is there anything more painful than being lonely? I don’t think so. Talk about “hurting like hell!”

Move On Up

The point is to love again, to try again, to reopen and keep our heart open, knowing full well that our next loving relationship may end in failure and hurt horrendously, that it may break our hearts, symbolically and physically. But oh, the glory that suffuses and regenerates us when the new relationship works well, when we are at the next rung of being personal love in action. We are born again, born again; love is born again, thank God love is born again!

So, let’s be Judah who praises God by knowing and demonstrating that love conquers all. Let’s transmute Iscariot, that “fraidy cat” within us, that sometimes selfish, lustful, self-righteous, superior/inferior jerk that we can be if we choose to do so. Amen to that!

Love and Be Loved

And let’s stop giving into the temptation of wanting to be loved by others, of giving over to their darkness and self-deception, their selfish needs and desires — let’s stop being afraid that we will be alone and unloved unless we lower our standards as light workers. The point is to want to love others much more than we want them to love us; to love one another, not to be loved by others. Be a lover of your ongoing regenerative life. Be born again. Be love in action.

And who really cares if others do not understand, care for or love us for who we truly are? Why hide our light and love under a bushel in a false attempt at humility or to protect ourselves? If someone tries to put us down, put us in our place, cast us into the dumps of despair, or drag us into their sexual desires, that is their problem. Our task is to forgive this idiotic, scared Iscariot who is acting out his/her own fears; not to fight such a betrayer, not to be more hostile to him/her than he/she is to us.

We can do it. We are doing it. We, all of us who love one another, who love our friends as well as our enemies. For this have we come, individually and collectively.

Jesus and Mary Magdalene

How about Christ Jesus? Did he have personal love feelings for any of the women disciples who served him and his twelve apostles, particularly for Mary Magdalene? Was he tempted at times to marry her and to become a father?

Well, no one knows for sure, giving the sparse accounts of her in the four canonical Gospels. However, in the apocryphal text Gospel of Mary (click here to read Wikipedia about it), Jesus loved Mary Magdalene more than any of his twelve apostles. Supposedly Jesus kissed Mary Magdalene on her lips. But if he did, this might have been just a way to convey his Christ blessing to her, not a prelude to having sex with her, which seems highly unlikely.

However, it is not too hard to imagine that Jesus preferred at times to be in the loving presence of a devoted woman, with her caring and compassion, her loving support. After all, his twelve apostles had a tendency, like most men, to fuss and fume, to bicker with one another, to compete and to see who was the best, who even at times tried to tell Jesus what to do. Who needs all that, all of the time?

And so, he may have loved being with and exchanging spiritually with Mary Magdalene. But did he step over the line and become physically, romantically, sexuality involved with her? No, that seems entirely doubtful. For, if he had, how would he have been able to resurrect and ascend? These two extraordinary, mind-boggling demonstrations were the fruits of the pure soul that he was.

False and True Stories

In Dan Brown’s blockbuster book and movie, The Da Vinci Code, Jesus was alleged to have faked his crucifixion, secretly disappeared with Mary Magdalene and married her, and even had a child or children with her. But this whole premise/scenario appears to be total nonsense, given the fact that the primary purpose of Jesus’ life was to resurrect, to prove that nothing of the Earth could stop him from birthing his light body.

And yet, on the other hand, there is the accepted, Gospel accounts that Jesus, following his resurrection, did appear first of all to Mary Magdalene. Clearly, there must have been some close connection with her for him to have done this, rather than say appearing to Simon Peter, John the Beloved or other disciples. (John 20:11-180)

Apostolic Personal Love

How about the 12 apostles? Were any of them married? Simon Peter was, as recorded in Mark 1:30 and Luke 4:38, wherein Jesus visited and healed Peter’s mother-in-law. And Paul the Apostle in I Corinthians 9:5 said that he had a right to marry a believing woman because Peter, Jesus’ brothers, and other apostles had married. Yet, we read no details in the authorized Biblical texts about anything to do with such marriages, the challenges and difficulties therein, or the joys of them.

(Remember, also, that the four Gospels were written by men, who in those days apparently did not see the equal role that women portray in spiritual growth, in rightly using their regenerative energies and reproductive organs. Just the fact that Jesus had women in his followers, like Mary Magdalene, was considered scandalous and heretical by Jewish authorities in his day.)

There is just one possible reference to Judas Iscariot possibly being married and having children. But it is more so a prophecy than a description of actual events, for it is found in Psalm 109:9-10, which was written long before the days of Jesus and his twelve apostles. This entry is a symbolic reference to the Judas faculty in each of us, not just to Judas Iscariot himself.

Modern Day Example

Despite the dearth of information about Jesus and his 12 apostles as regards male-female relationships and the joys and challenges of healing them, we do have the example of Nada-Yolanda.

On June 12, 1975, near the end of the first European Mission, Yolanda first dreamt about and recalled her German lifetime in the 1100s with her soulmate Edward (see MAPP To Aquarius pages 74-75 for a description of soul mates and twin souls). They had betrothed, but Edward left for the Crusades. During his silent absence of twenty years, Yolanda psychically received that he was still alive, so she did not marry another man who proposed to her.

Meanwhile, she developed stomach cancer. When Edward returned during the last few days of her illness, she learned that he had taken a wife. In a moment of extreme mental, emotional and physical torment, she grabbed his knife and tried violently to cut out her tumor. At her funeral, Edward psychically saw her rise out of her coffin and bitterly curse him for betraying her.

At the time of this dream, Yolanda was completing the seventh phase of her fifth major initiation of transfiguration. Just a month later, on July 13, 1975, she began her overlapping first phase of her sixth major initiation of crucifixion-resurrection.

In the next couple years, she had soul recall of three other past incarnations with Edward. Plus she reviewed her romantic partnership with him in this lifetime from 1953-1955, wherein unspoken conflicts and insecurities had plagued their relationship — they physically had parted and did not physically communicate or meet with one another again for the next twenty years. (See Autobiography of a Prophet to learn more about Yolanda’s past lifetimes with Edward, as well as her other lifetimes.)

Soul Mission Explained

With Yolanda’s psychic remembrance of her past lives and her present experiences with Edward this lifetime, and with her light-body communions and exchanges with him in 1975-76, Yolanda began to hope and to strongly believe that he would physically come back in her life, they would get married, and they would serve happily together for the rest of their lives in the Second Coming program. She was a woman who was a bit head-over-heels in love with her man, which scared her and thrilled her at the same time. She was in her Judah yet also Iscariot consciousness.

However, on February 17, 1976, Sananda explained Yolanda’s test, as an example for other initiates: “[Edward’s] role in your life is similar to Mary Magdalene’s in my life as Jesus. . . . Nada-Yolanda, playing the subconscious role in this trinity demonstration [Nada-subconscious, El Morya-conscious and Sananda-superconscious], also had to have an expression of saving or releasing a soul on the opposite polarity in selflessness, without physical rewards or contacts of a sexual nature.

“As I released Mary from the devils which plagued her and, in return, she followed me and had to express a straight course of action without love-sex fulfillment, so you have had to experience a similar relationship. This is to prove that the inner plane work and understanding of one polarity or another can work without ceasing and completely unselfishly, in order to free another.

“Your work on the inner planes will be an example set for the subconscious aspects of mankind. Through these lines of force, many souls can be saved–even in spite of themselves and certainly without understanding the mechanism of that spiritual effort.

“Edward will be healed as you have asked consistently and without credit to yourself. This is the way it must be. If you had had physical satisfaction with him, it would not, it could not have counted for the same purpose.”

Additional Guideline

In early spring 1976, Sananda/Jesus gave Yolanda this instruction: “As Nada you must demonstrate spiritual, impersonal, divine Seventh Ray love vibrations [Yolanda’s home ray is the Seventh Ray; Edward’s home ray is the Third Ray]. You must rectify all personal, emotional love involvements and all past soul errors from the invisible, nonphysical level.

“Therefore, though you are on the same plane of operation, even in the same area, you must make an impressionable pattern on the subconscious realms for all future evolvements of mankind on Earth. All types of personal love and affection must be based on the highest form of spiritual, cosmic exchanges and laws.

“This includes every conceivable interchange of human beings: parents with children, lovers, business and professional associates, friends, teachers and students. Be Nada!”

Born Again

And take a guess as to how long it took Yolanda to heal her soul relationship with Edward? As you might expect, Yolanda periodically hoped and predicted that it would take place shortly, a few years at most. But in reality, it took her thirty full years to complete the invisible, behind-the-scenes healing work with him. Thirty full years filled with ups and downs and everything in between, until she was fully regenerated and reborn as Nada!

During the intense dramas of these three decades, despite the above guidance from Sananda, she stubbornly continued to believe that Edward would come physically into her life, that they would be married, that it would be the fulfillment of her soul-personal hopes, dreams and aspirations, even that it was Spirit’s will. But in reality, although she frequently emailed him and often sent him things via regular mail, only twice in those thirty years did he communicate outwardly with her via email or in any other tangible, verifiable way; and in both emails he told her bluntly to stop emailing her, that he was not even reading her emails to him.

And still she persisted, choosing to believe what she psychically was receiving, or thought that she was, rather than the eventual truth and reality of the matter. Personal love does that to us, if we let it. We all “fall” in love, and remain enthralled in its passions long before we fully “rise” in selfless, sacrificial, rosy-red, Third Ray personal love and devotion.

Think of it: Yolanda passed through all seven phases of her sixth major initiation from 1975-1992 and through all seven phases of her seventh major initiation of ascension from 1992 to 2005 before she finally healed her soul in regards to Edward, until she totally devoted herself to God’s good will, not her personal will. Always, she had said when pondering her soul relationship with Edward, not my will, but Thy will be done. And eventually it was done!

Conscious Command

On December 12, 2002, two and one-half years into Yolanda’s seventh phase of her seventh major initiation, El Morya contacted her and bluntly corrected her: “Your vigilance is not on track. . . . When we were on Earth together, I did not then and do not now trust your association and communions with [Edward]. You are deceiving yourself. It will never manifest in any physical way.” (Talk about a rebuke!) And, it never did.

This exchange by El Morya (conscious mind) with Nada-Yolanda (subconscious mind) illustrates a cosmic principle: we consciously are to become the master of our subconscious-soul-feeling nature, not the other way around. We are to psychically see the past, but not wallow in and repeat its remaining negative soul memories and patterns.

Rather, we are consciously to set into motion those thoughts and actions that will wipe the record clean, that will heal ourselves and all others of any soul disease that if not transmuted will externalize as any number of physical illnesses. We are to ascend out of darkness into the light of our I Am Self.

On May 9, 2001, Sananda had spoken via Nada-Yolanda to this challenge and had warned all initiates: “Unless the wisdom of the light prevails and unless every thought and feeling, every temptation of the human side versus the spiritual side is openly approached, acknowledged and conquered, no one is safe. Do no fool yourselves ever, please, by feeling you are beyond the temptations. As Jesus . . . I had been tempted many times, even on the cross.”

Be Ye Healed

Despite all of Yolanda’s trials, tribulations and temptations, she finally did heal her soul and serve as a healing vessel to uplift Edward into the light of a upcoming glorious new day in their soul relationship. In a channeling on December 14, 2001, Lords Michael, Uriel and Raphael pronounced: “To Nada-Yolanda’s credit, she has vivid recall of an incarnation [in Egypt] ten thousand years ago when she broke a sacred vow, and has paid the karmic penalty for that ten-thousand-year period. We announce here [that] her entire karmic debt to that indiscretion has finally been paid.” Sananda confirmed this soul victory on January 2, 2002, telling Yolanda: “Your karma with [Edward] has been erased.”

In the remaining 2-3 years of her life, Yolanda had a series of remarkable dreams, visions and physical actions that proved that she had begun anew, that she was totally dedicated to doing Spirit’s will in her ongoing soul-mate relationship with Edward, on this plane and in the invisible planes. It’s quite a story! Which you will get to read when we finally publish my book Seven Steps to Christhood: Opening Seven Seals in Seven Major Initiations, hopefully in 2002.

Lessons Learned

So, what lessons, insights and new dedication are we to take from Nada-Yolanda’s incredible demonstration? First, soul healing takes time, usually lots more time than we initially think it will. So, we are to keep at it, keep moving forward, keep on keeping on, through hell and high water, from the hell of mortal consciousness to the heaven of I Am consciousness. We are to stay focused in the now rather than in the distant past or unknown future.

Two, thirty years is not that long when compared to the 26,000 years ago when Atlantis fell, or even more so to the 26 million years ago when a segment of mankind fell into matter, and the Cains compounded the error by treating the fallen ones as slaves. Thirty years is but a blink of our cosmic eye! So, why complain by saying “how long, Lord, how long will this healing challenge take?” Why not say, thank You, our Father-Mother God, for making our healing journey so short!

Third, all of us are self-deceived to some degree, in some way(s). We have Iscariot within us, which is indeed a “scary” realization. None of us are beyond temptation, beyond giving up, giving in, stooping down into our mortal, personal desires. But let us also remember that we are as Judas, one who praises God, one who is Godlike. Let us put our emphasis on this positive reality. Rather than curse our soul darkness, let us light a candle, time and time again. And, a hearty ability to laugh at ourselves, a little or lots of humility, also greases the way.

12 Labors of Love

Given all of the above, here’s our exercise for this week: Make a list of the 12 major personal loves of this life, the ones that have had the most impact on you and others around you.

1. Start with your parents. What did you learn about personal love from them? How have you positively repeated or tried to transmute this thus far? What lesson(s) did you learn from your Mom and Dad? Or your grandparents or a favorite uncle or aunt? Or your various step-fathers and step-mothers?

2. Remember, recount and review your first love. Maybe this was just “puppy love” or maybe it eventually became deeper than that. Write down your reflections about this, see this past relationship in the big picture of your ongoing evolvement into male-female, romantic, sexual couplings. What scared you about this adventure into male-female love and exchange? How did you rise above this and “learn the ropes” of loving partnerships? You may want to write this down in a corresponding column to the right of your page of your 12 Loves.

3. Continue forward from 3 to 12Now that you get the idea of how to do this exercise, go ahead and list each additional personal love relationship, each boyfriend or girlfriend you had or at least the most significant ones, each new adventure into sexual exchange, for better or worse. Always, in each of these, record the lesson(s) learned. Radiate love to each of these individuals, see and hail the Christ in them, forgive them and accept that Spirit forgives you, whether you now are in physical contact with these past lovers or not.

List also any relevant challenges you had with your children, those at work, those whom you have counseled, in all other parts of your life. Go with the flow to narrow things down to the most impactful 12 personal love relationships.

If you have past life recall of the loves of this life, include these in your story. If not, it is no big deal, since you present life mirrors, reflects and re-manifests your prior lives. Heal the present and the past is healed.

Of course, include your marriage(s) or any other long-term relationships, your significant others, your partners, whatever you wish to call them, right up to the present time. If you fell in love in high school and married this sweetheart and have stay married to him or her (amazing!), write about the ups and down of your marriage.

The above should give you enough to work on in focusing on the twelve steps to personal loving healing. Happy recall! Happy remembering! And happy rebirth! Born again, you and I will be twelve-times born again. And our live will be rosy with new hope and love.

Tell Your Story

In the right time, please tell your story to someone else, a friend, a fellow light worker, someone who lovingly listens with his/her heart. And make it a point to hear the story that others may tell you, especially if it comes from deep within that person’s heart. Such stories are sacred!

If you wish, send me a confidential email of your story, in part or in whole ( I will be your listener, your witness, one who loves and cares about you, one whose story is not all that different from yours.

Perhaps you will want to post some key part of your story in the Comment box below. Maybe this will be an overall summation of what you have rediscovered in your soul, and how it has changed you; or perhaps better put, how you have changed it. Maybe it is just a key part of your overall story, one that sums up the rest of your 12 “dance partners” in the ongoing “dance of your love life.”

In three-four days, I will be sharing my own story on my next blog, some highlights and some low lights, some funny episodes and some sad ones, hopefully all of it being entertaining and inspiring, maybe we will laugh and cry together. Sharing my story will help me in the ongoing healing my heart! Thanks for listening. I love you.

Forward and Upward We go

Stay tuned. Keep on loving. Keep loving God and one another. Keep being the sacred soul, the sacred I Am Self that you are. In sacred personal love and spiritual energy exchange, we and all the 144,000, and eventually all mankind, are one glorious red rose. Amen and amen!


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